About Barbara Anne Hough

What?  How is it possible that it’s been SO L O N G since my last post?  I can’t believe it.  Anyway, I guess this post better be a good one then.  There is so much to update…  So, let’s get started.  Maybe, I’ll try this by time periods, with pictures of course!

February:  My last post was at the fourth anniversary of Mom’s death.  Now it’s been almost four months since then.  My consulting practice grew a good bit in February (and since) and my proposal writing skills got a lot of work that month.  Overall, I’m working about 30 hours a week, which feels like half time in comparison to my former life.  I am developing retainer clients which is great because of 1) continuity and getting to know a client more deeply and 2) financial predictability.  I also do a lot of project work with organizational and individual clients. I’ve had the occasional whim and applied for one or two “regular” jobs, but haven’t gotten any uptake.  Then, I actually realize that I LIKE what I am doing now and really DO want to commit to this chapter of my career for many reasons.  This is a picture of my friend, Brenda, who developed my website free of charge!   http://www.viehmyerconsulting.com   I was taking her out on the town that night to say thank you.  Please check out the website and let me know what you think.  I’ve also made it to PRM’s website as well.  http://www.prmconsulting.com!  

March:  This was a difficult month.  Period.  I got a call from my ex-husband, Pete, who let me know that his daughter Kara (who lives in Ankara, Turkey with her family) suddenly lost their six year old son, Banner on March 17.  Several weeks later, Scott and I, along with some old neighbors from Ellicott City attended the visitation in Catonsville, MD.  Kara, her husband Forrest, their 3 year old son Aslan and 5 month old daughter River, traveled home to Maryland to bury Banner in the U.S.  They learned that a very aggressive infection called myocarditis had attacked Banner, who in a matter of 12 hours went from eating ice cream to being pronounced dead.  They are seeking on-going and extensive grief counseling as you might imagine.  I bought them the 4 booklet series by Dr. Kenneth Haugk called “Journeying through Grief”.  You read each booklet on a timeline following the death.  Sadly, I’ve bought these too often since February 2014 when they were given to me by my mom’s friend, Debbie Mulcahy.  In addition, this is the month we learned that our friend, Bill’s merkel cell carcinoma had metastasized to his liver.  He was diagnosed late last October 2017.  This began a successful effort to get him into an immunotherapy trial at Johns Hopkins sponsored by Bristol Myers Squibb.  THEN, there is Wayne’s situation.  He passed out and fell in the shower.  Serious back injury, but nothing broken.  He couldn’t drive for about two months, so Scott and I took turns taking food and checking in on him.  Wayne’s brother, Dick and others were key in the process, too.   A decent back brace seems to have made things a bit better, warding off any surgery.  Wayne continues to have A-fib and blood pressure issues as well as a good bit of confusion about a lot of things.  He’s pretty stubborn in terms of accepting much help though.

April:  Fortunately, April brought a brighter month.  We spent Easter in Austin with Scott’s daughter, Kori and family, and just happened to be there at blue bonnet time.  Then it was a girls’ weekend in Roanoke with friend Cindy.  We realized that this fall, we’ve been friends for 40 years!  It was also Nina’s little cousin, Haven’s fourth birthday.  Her Lala (a.k.a. me!) had to make her a princess castle birthday cake which she loved.

May:  One of my clients is the National Foundation for Cancer Research.  Scott and I were able to go to their annual gala and sit front and center for the big night.  I’ve been working with NFCR since November 9 last year and suspect they will remain a client for a while.  They do great work and I’ve helped them hire six new staff members.   Mid-month, Andy returned from a six week assignment just in time to take me to breakfast for mother’s day.  Though he and Nina aren’t embarking on parenthood just yet, he asked for my help on a project to benefit his future children.  It has turned me into an ancestry.com cybervert.  I’ve been through boxes of treasures and spent hours researching family trees.  Andy’s goal is a speciality Wikipedia page for each family member along with pictures of various times in the person’s life.  There is a site where you can set this up and he gave me HIS page, casually saying that everything he wrote is unclassified including…”Oh yeah, Mom.  You’ll read that I was awarded a second bronze star…”   Nothing like being on the need to know list.  Ha ha!  SUPER PROUD!  So, as of today, I’ve written 15 wikis and scanned pictures of each person, going back to my great grandparents.  Ancestry.com has helped me trace one branch back to the late 1100s.  This is QUITE the project.  I suspect it will be several more months before I wrap it up.    Pictures below are of the NFCR event, Scott, my Mom at age 16, Mom and me 1956, Roy Lacy Sr. and Maurice Slaten in the late 1920s, Leona Smith with Mom as a baby in the early 1930s, and Mom’s parents with her as a baby in 1930/1931.   

June:  Andy and Nina decided to “downsize” and sell their luxury townhome and move closer to us and Nina’s parents.  They took possession of a 1,450 sq foot loft apartment in South Laurel, MD, sold their home (three offers in four days!) and they close this month.  This will allow them to save a good bit as they want to eventually build their “one and done” high tech home on property somewhere in central MD.  Grandpuppies, Laika and Cosmo, seem to like the new place.   Unfortunately we learned in early June that our friend Bill’s immunotherapy wasn’t working, and the tumor in the liver had doubled in size.  Now, he has had two intense three day chemo treatments (in June) with the goal being to break up the cancer so immunotherapy may be restarted.  This particular cancer has been more successfully treated with immunotherapy.  Clare, Bill’s wife partner, is pictured below in happier times.  Please pray that Bill’s quality of life and length of life will be good and long!  The end of the month included a special LaLa/Haven day which was a wonderful treat for both of us!  Pictured is Haven shopping at a kid sized Safeway grocery store.  Way to go Playseum in Bethesda!

July:  Bill’s illness has caused us to move to Plan B and C in terms of our vacations this year.  We were to join he and Clare at the cottage on Cape Cod for the fourth of July week and then be with them for 3 weeks in September/October on a cruise and in Venice, Rome and the Amalfi Coast.  The timing of Bill’s treatments and recovery just didn’t allow these things to happen.  So, Scott and I took a driving trip a week ago to Vermont instead of being at the Cape.  Unfortunately, the Africa-like temperatures followed us so we had to pace any outdoor activity.  But we did have a hotel room overlooking Lake Champlain, was out on a cruise for the fireworks show and enjoyed a lovely B&B in southern Vermont on the way home.  Scott turned around quickly and headed for ANOTHER driving trip to visit his sisters in IL and IN.  I’ll meet him in Chicago next weekend as we visit HIS son, Andy, who lives there now.  I’ll FLY.  It’s not like I have to worry about vacation days or anything, but I do have clients to attend to!  Instead of the cruise and additional time in Italy, we will spend a week in Paris the first week of October.  I’ll sign off with a Vermont picture, taken from our hotel room, and one of me!  I hope your summer is underway successfully and happily!  Love, Laura

Hi there everyone…I realize I haven’t posted much in the past few months.  Good news is that my consulting business is going great guns.  More success and more enjoyment than I could have ever imagined, without traveling around the world to random places as I’ve been doing the past 12 years.   Got word from Johns Hopkins Hospital Wilmer Eye Institute (read varsity team) that I do not have glaucoma, despite two years of various “eye professionals” telling me I was “suspect”.  (read yay!)  My son is safely home from his most recent deployment…more deployments than I can count on one hand now.  And he and Nina, along with grandpuppies, Laika and Cosmo, are blissfully happy.  Scott has happily made playing golf his full time job.  Wayne continues to do well, with good days and bad days, and we see him regularly.

Four years ago, less 12 hours, Mom passed away at Lorien.  I was there, along with Wayne – her beloved husband of 40 years, Mary, her best friend of 70 years, and Scott, who was able to get there for me…and likely her, too.  I don’t know what memories trigger this loss more profoundly.

The last family meeting with providers at Lorien was on Valentine’s day.  Mom tried to give a blanket to Joanne, the social worker, who was cold.  Then she took out a denture and began waving it wildly.  They are so delicate, I was able to get her to give it to me, so I could wash it out, and ask her to put it back in.   She did.  She hadn’t been out of bed for a couple of weeks and a bed sore was forming.  She hadn’t wanted lights on or drapes open for several weeks.  Many medical difficulties, too.  I talked to the psych doc about increasing her anti-depressants.   I have my three inch binder to remind me of every blood draw, every meeting, every anything.  Scott says I was a “basket case” when I came home that evening.

On February 15, I went to visit for my usual Saturday morning 9-10:30 am.  She was in bed, lights out and curtains drawn.  She kept telling me how tired she was and asked me to head home at 10:15 am.  I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.  She NEVER did that.  She always wanted me to stay and stay and stay.  I didn’t leave at 10:15.  She sighed in exasperation when I didn’t leave and stayed until 10:30…but we always said the same thing to each other before I left.  “You are the best mother in the world.”  “And you are the best daughter in the world”.   Thankfully, I have that memory.

I did not go on Sunday, February 16, but got the call at 7:35 am on Monday, February 17 that “she was unresponsive”.  I got myself together, called Wayne who got there by 8 am, me by 8:35 am, followed by Mary and Scott.  She was sitting up, but truly non responsive.  The head nurse came down to the room.  I stepped out and she said we were doing great in reading to her, touching her and holding her hand.  She told us that hearing was the last sense to leave the body.  I asked if she was dying and she said yes.  I asked if she was going to die today and she said yes.  I returned to the room to be with her.  We stepped away for her to be cleaned up at 9:30 am.  When we returned, we circled the bed and all told her that we loved her.  She sighed.  Breathed her last breath and was gone.

This year is particularly tough for some reason.  I’d hoped to head over to the eastern shore to a place she and I went and a place she drove by for many years on her trips to O.C.- I’m not sure why – but I haven’t/wasn’t able to get it out of my mind as something I wanted to do.  It’s a long weekend, so I may drive over by myself on Monday, just be there, and then come home.  A former employee/direct report of mine (Dawn Oram) lost her mom this week on Valentine’s evening.  I will go to that funeral this coming Wednesday.  It is likely what may have pushed me over the top.  Dawn and her mom were so close (too).  Yesterday when I got the text from Dawn, I just sat in my home office and cried for 20-30 minutes.  It felt good to do that…and then what?  Likely my idea to go to the eastern shore took legs again.  Why not?  I don’t have a grave site to visit.  Maybe I’ll just drive myself over to the Sunset tomorrow for a crab cake.  (Mom’s favorite place in Glen Burnie).  Who knows.  I’ll figure out something on this wintery President’s Day weekend.  At least in retrospect, the weather was not a factor in getting to her that morning nor in the assembly of over 125 people to celebrate her life that following Saturday.

Thanks for reading this and listening.  I needed it.   Love, Laura

Merry Christmas Eve to all!  It is such a delightful time of year.  The celebration of the birth of our Savior.   Gift giving to symbolize the gift we all received on Christmas morning over 2,000 years ago.   A time to gather with family and friends to be together and enjoy traditions.   And the fourth Christmas without Mom.

I was reflecting the other day on how family traditions change over time.  When I was growing up, the big tradition was gift opening after Christmas Eve dinner and Santa on Christmas morning – later, there was sleeping in once I decided I couldn’t stretch out my belief in Santa any longer…  Ha ha!  After Mom and Daddy divorced, there was another phase, followed by college and my moving to Florida.  Then, there was the phase when Jim and I were married (1982-1992) and Andy was a little boy, and Christmas rotated between MD, FL and KY.  My return to MD years brought another phase with me doing much of the hosting.   Tomorrow, Andy and Nina will arrive with the grandpuppies at 9 am, joined by three of Nina’s cousins (Jessica, her daughter Haven, and Jessica’s sister, Natalie).  Then mid-day, Nina’s parents and brothers will arrive.  Supper around 1 pm.  We invited Wayne, but he wants to stay home, so Scott, Andy and I had lunch with him on Friday.  What about you?  Have you thought about how your traditions have changed over the years?

I’ve been in the kitchen for the past eight hours and am happy to be sitting down…and happy to think about how festive tomorrow will be for everyone.   But alas, it is time to head to the shower and get ready for church at 5:30 p.m.  Ahhh – the chance to focus on the real reason for the season.  No, it isn’t the solstice!  Someone said that on social media a couple of days ago and I’m sure my eyes rolled out loud!   I am thankful that Andy is home safely from deployment; that family and friends will gather in good health and fortune tomorrow, and that little baby showed up to save us all.

Merry Christmas everyone!  I hope this is a blessed one for you and yours.  Love, Laura

Hi all,

Fall transitions!  After decades of running his CPA practice, Randy Hough, decides to take a full time CFO job with one of the largest concrete manufacturers in the U.S. (in Florida).  And, after decades of full time HR leader/ executive roles with various companies, I stepped down from my job at DAI to launch an HR consulting practice in the D.C. metro area.  I can’t help wondering what Mom would think!  I suspect she’d be applauding as she was always supportive of whatever we wanted to do.  As for Randy, he just turned 55 y.o. and said that thirty years of tax seasons was enough for him.  As for me, I just turned 62 y.o. and have always had it “on my list” to consult toward the end of my career.  In November and December, I’ll put the finishing touches on the business plan I started in March, get the website developed and be ready to launch the LLC in January.  I also am working to establish affiliate relationships with existing consulting practices so I can be an independent contractor with them.

Wayne is doing well; however, having understandable sadness over the loss of Lacy (the 17th year old pup).  He misses her a great deal as the two of them had their routines alone since February 2011 when Mom went into the hospital.  We are expecting Andy home from deployment shortly, so the anticipation is building for his return, followed by the holidays.  I’ll do better about posting pictures!  Scott continues to stretch out the golf season and carded an 87 today.  He consistently shoots in the 80s (note: he gets daily practice), and actually shot a 79 during one round this fall.

I hope all is good in your world and thank you in advance for prayers for Andy’s safe travel and return home.    Love, Laura

WHAT?  I checked into today to the blog only to find ADVERTISEMENTS on the home page.  I didn’t approve or consent to them.  What does google tell me?  I have to upgrade my wordpress.com and pay eight cents a day for ads to NOT appear on the blog.  Disgusting.  That’s all I have to say.  I won’t give into that, so unless the ads are offensive (let me know if you think they are…), I’m not going to be blackmailed into having them removed.  That is all for a Monday!  Good grief!  Laura

If you follow me on Facebook, you know that Scott and I went to northeast Baltimore two weekends ago to tend to my father’s grave in Moreland Cemetery off Taylor Avenue.  We do that every couple of years and I take fresh red roses.  Afterwards, I realized it was possible to do something over Labor Day weekend that has been on my mind for several years – make the 4 1/2 hour one way journey to Scottsburg, Virginia and tend to the Lacy family graves there in Oakland Cemetery.  No fresh flowers this time.  We came up with a contraption that involved blue plastic tumblers, water bottles, marbles and silk flowers.  Scott dug holes and I did the flower placement.  Anyway, I hadn’t been to that part of Virginia since my grandmother died in the middle of December of 1982.  I was 4 months pregnant at the time.

I wondered what we would find on this trip since my research failed to identify anyone who was still in charge of running the cemetery.  We got a reservation at the Quality Inn in South Boston, VA, where my grandparents used to live, which is about 15 minutes south west of the cemetery, and we made the trip.  South Boston is a small town of just over 8,000 people.  We rode by my grandparents’ old apartment, now quite a run down property.  The Powell Funeral Home was right where it always was, and the town seemed frozen in time.  Pictures often speak 1,000 words so I will move onto those. in a moment.  Oakland Cemetery is a quiet and peaceful place, and full of moss and mold.  There are dozens of Lacys buried there, as well as those connected by marriage to Lacys.  There are eight Lacys specifically in my lineage.  My grandparents Roy P. Lacy, Alice Lacy and Edward (Eddie) N. Lacy.  Roy and Eddie were brothers and my grandmother married them both; the former marriage from 1928-1943 (his death) and the latter from 1952-1980  (his death).  Alice is buried between Roy and Eddie.  Our Aunt Lillian (Lee) was a sister of Roy’s and Eddie’s, so three of the seven children of that generation are in a row.  Then, there are Roy, Eddie and Lee’s parents, John M. and Emeline P. Lacy, my great-grandparents.  John M. died in 1912 at the age of 44, leaving Emeline, then 38 y.o., with seven children to raise, born between 1899 and 1911.  Then, my great-great grandparents, aka John M. Lacy’s parents, MT and Martha Lacy.  He served in the Civil War on the Confederate side.  We have other relatives who served in the PA Cavalry on the Union side.  Truly a house divided.  MT lived into his early 80s and Martha into her mid 70s.

Our before and after pictures follow starting with two pictures of the final work followed by the youngest generation progressing to the oldest generation.  I think you can tell the before pictures from the after pictures pretty easily.  While we were working, an older gentleman stopped by in his car to talk to us.  He’s lived in Scottsburg all but ten years of his life.  He knew the Lacys well and talked about them with honor and respect.  It was amazing to hear his stories.  Scott’s and my work was a labor of love and we were happy to do it.  I could feel Mom over my shoulder a couple of times while Scott and I were working here Sunday morning…She was smiling.    Love, Laura

.    .

I am excited to report that I have not traveled, except an overnight to a friend’s house, since July 14.  It’s a miracle!  Ha!  It has been wonderful to sleep in my own bed so consistently and enjoy a concentrated bit of normalcy.  Today was one of those days.  Great early Hatha Yoga class.  Chores around the house.  Great massage.  Then, head to northeast Baltimore to clean off/around Daddy’s grave and put flowers there.  Since Mom was cremated and not buried, we then headed to her favorite restaurant in Glen Burnie to honor her.   We hear from Andy fairly regularly and are counting the days until his return in several months.  Nina is working as lead teacher through the summer at the Montessori School where she used to teach before grad school.  Scott’s Andy is away on a long trip on the African continent and due to return in early September to begin his new job in Chicago.  Scott has hurt his back so he has put his “sticks” away for a bit.  Of course, he won’t go see a doctor or massage therapist.  I’m sure he’s waiting for the magic pixie dust to make it all better.  Well, at least I got him to take some Aleve.  (smile)

Before I forget….our Ravens have won their first two pre-season games.  I hope your summer is going well!  XO  Laura

Hi all!

It has been a while since I posted; however, my schedule would make you shake your head.  When I posted last, I’d just returned from Nairobi.  Since then, we attended Nina’s graduation from Johns Hopkins (Master of Education)… hosted Carol and Jim (Scott’s sister and brother-in-law) for Memorial Day weekend…I had a weekend in Roanoke, VA (with friend, Cindy Coto)… there was a great week in Boston/Cape Cod (Scott, Andy and Nina)…I was in Chicago on business, and there was a lovely long weekend in Northwest Arkansas (with Scott, Kara & Mark Rago).  I leave this coming Monday for a week of training in Harbor East/Baltimore.   ALL GOOD, and yet my suitcase and I are very good friends right now.  Also, since my last post, we celebrated Scott’s birthday, Wayne’s birthday, and Father’s Day.  And, Andy began a four month deployment.  Sigh.

Maybe these pictures tell the story better.   Graduation!  Nina and Andy…Carol and Jim…Cindy and Laura…followed by Boston (Freedom Trail, Granary Burial Ground, Old North Church, Make Way for Ducklings, U.S.S. Constitution, Bunker Hill, Lobster!), Plymouth, Thoreau’s house across from Walden Pond, Nathaniel Hawthorne’s birthplace, Chatham, the Chihuly exhibit at Crystal Bridges (Bentonville, Arkansas), cooking with Kara, and WYLIE, the Rago’s cute Scottie puppy !  Enjoy!  Love, Laura

Yesterday, was a family celebration for Andy’s 34th birthday.  The actual day was Friday, May 19.  Randy and Arielle were up from Florida.  They brought Wayne and joined me, Scott, Andy and Nina at the Sunset Lounge and Restaurant in Glen Burnie.  In addition to being one of Mom’s favorite places, it was also the site of my first date with high school boyfriend, Rick Butts, before we went to the movies to see Romeo and Juliet in January 1971.  Lots of family history!  We dined in the “tiffany lamp” room which is the original restaurant, within the expansion and our party of seven enjoyed crab soup, crab cakes, chicken imperial and more in its confines.  Then, we left to go to Andy and Nina’s house.  I’d been trying to figure out how to get Wayne over to see their house for a while now.  It’s about an hour plus from Mt. Airy, but too far for him to drive on unfamiliar roads, and for us to orchestrate it by driving him would pretty much take the whole day.  This way…Randy could chauffeur and it worked wonderfully. Wayne, as well as Randy and Arielle, got to see their beautiful home and enjoy delightful homemade desserts of cupcakes, coffee butter pecan ice cream and chocolate mint ice cream.  Nina gets credit for making the chocolate mint ice cream!  And of course, Laika and Cosmo provided a good deal of entertainment.  It was a memorable three and a half hours.  I could feel Mom enjoying it too.  Once Randy sends me some pictures as he took a few, I’ll post them to share.

As for me, I’m glad to be back from so much travel.  Since I posted last in mid-April, I’ve been to a wedding in Myrtle Beach, a conference in Miami and a retreat and board meeting in Nairobi, Kenya.   Nina “walks” on Tuesday across the stage to receive her Master’s in Education from Johns Hopkins University.  Then, we have Scott’s sister and brother-in-law coming our way for Memorial Day weekend.  I have a weekend in Roanoke planned in early June with dear friend, Cindy Coto.  Then, Andy, Nina, Scott and I have our week long Boston/Cape trip June 14-21.  Hard to believe I have time for a demanding job in between all of this!  Ha!  I will post pictures of past and future events soon.  In the meantime, enjoy spring and hug your family and friends.  Love, Laura

Happy Good Friday to this most wonderful blog community.  I’ve been remiss.  I admit it.  It’s been over two months.  Never has it been this long.  It is making me think.  The purpose of this blog was to keep everyone in touch with Mom’s health situation after she fell ill in February 2011.  Have we all moved on?  Are there other ways to keep in touch?  Maybe.  You let me know what you think.   Is Facebook enough?  (smile).

Not long after my last post, Scott and I spent 3 weeks in New Zealand and Australia.  We boarded the ship on the 3rd anniversary of Mom’s passing.  I keep trying to do BIG things on that day to distract.  It helps somewhat.  It was an amazing trip.  Auckland, Waiheke Island, Tauranga, Wellington, Akaroa, Dunedin, the Sounds, Hobart and Sydney.  Here is a taste.  I seriously recommend it!  I’m up to 35 countries so far with many more on my bucket list.  Happy Easter weekend.  I hope this incredible Holy Week has helped you focus on all that He did for you!  Love, Laura